I never could have imagined how hard this was going to be. It seems that there is something new to face each day. Learning to live with the reality that I am not going back to the hospital in June to bring home my baby boy, because the reality is I'm going to be bringing him home on Friday from the funeral home. For the last 7 months I've patted my belly and told him what I was doing, where we were going, everything. Now I catch myself starting to do that, but my belly is soft and flatter and just feels so empty.

I have my husband and I thank God that I do. Without him, I could not handle this. We have laughed and cried on each other. We've done everything together the last few days. But he had to go back to work today, I did not want him to leave, but I think he wanted to stay here more than I wanted him to.

We have had an amazing amount of support and prayers from our family and friends. It amazes me and fills my heart when I get on here and I read the comments from people that I've never met before and some that I have, and I see that they have posted on their blogs requesting prayers for my family. I can't even begin to tell you how much that it all means to Eric and I, and my whole family. I sometimes forget, not really forget, but don't think of how this has affected my daughter Morgan. She lost her baby brother and she is grieving too. My heart breaks for her, she was so excited about him. She was going to be a great big sister!

I will get back to blogging about normal everyday life at some point, but right now this is my everyday life.

I just want to Thank you all for being here for me and my family.

There are no words

I don't even know how to start this post. I'm lying here in the hospital emptier than I've ever been before. (please forgive any mispellings and grammatical errors, I am on pain meds right now and no sleep)
On Friday morning I went to the dr for my routine 2 week checkup and we did not hear a heartbeat, after an ultrasound with a specialist we were sent to the hospital for an induction. My sweet little baby boy was born last night at 1153pm. He weighed 2.2 lbs and was 14 inches long. He was absolutely perfect, except he was not crying or moving or wanting to nurse like he was supposed to. The hardest thing that I've ever had to do was hand over my precious baby boy to the nurse to take for an autopsy knowing that I would never see him or hold him here on earth again. It's so hard for me to watch my husband and see how badly he's hurting. I'm hurting too, but its different when you watch your strong husband lose his baby boy, his namesake. We're both so thankful for the time that we had him to hold and to love on. We're so thankful for the friends and family who've shown their support and offered up prayers. We're thankful for the pictures that we have of our sweet baby boy and the little momentos that hospital has given to us. We're thankful for the wonderful nurses and doctors that have helped us through this tragedy. I thank God for the blessing that he placed in my life for such a short time.