FONVILLE FARM

Tales of a Georgia Peach!

Sunday, September 12, 2010

The Truth Is......

The truth is.....
that I'm a liar.
that I'm not always as ok as I may say that I am.
 that it's easier to just smile and say that I'm fine.
that I'm terrified every day that I'm going to do something to harm this baby that's growing inside of me.
that I miss my baby boy every second of every day.
that there is not a day that goes by that I don't cry for my baby boy.
that some days I cry harder than others.
that I look at his picture and kiss his little face everyday.
that I cry myself to sleep most nights.
the nights that I don't cry myself to sleep, I lay awake and think of him.
that I don't think my husband knows any of this, because I haven't told him.
that its been 5 months since I gave birth to my sweet baby boy and it seems like it was just yesterday.
that when you go through something like this you find out who your true friends are.
that the ones that I so desperately want to talk to about all of this doesn't seem to be there.
that I fill my days with lunches and outings with the ladies from the garden club just so that I'm not thinking.
that sometimes I feel like I'm going crazy.
that sometimes I feel like I'm the bad friend.
that I don't want to feel like this.
that I am not writing this for sympathy, I just needed to write.
that I probably won't answer any of your comments.
that I miss my family.
that I miss me.
that I now know what to say to someone going through this.
that its better to say something than nothing at all.
that I have friends who still have not spoken to me at all, or when they did speak they never mentioned it.
that sometimes that is what hurts me more.
that I'm not angry with God.
that I'm sad, but not angry.
that I thank God every day for the blessings that he has given me.

9 comments:

Amy said...

You are in my prayers Robin. I know that I don't know the right things to say so I will just send my love.

Linda @ A La Carte said...

Bless You and I hope this helped to get this off your chest. Hugs!

Josie said...

(((HUGS)))

Quilting in My Pyjamas said...

I dont want you to respond to this comment. I just wanted you to know that I read, I heard and I think it's completely normal for you to feel like this.

I hope tomorrow is a different day for you.

XOXO

Mary said...

Thinking of you, sweet friend! I know this is a really difficult time, but you WILL get through it. Thank you for sharing your heart . . . just make sure to share it with your hubby too. You're in this TOGETHER!

Ashley said...

Love you Robin!!!

Paula said...

I'm so sorry you are having a hard time...I wish I could tell you it get's easier but I have no proof of that. Why is it so easy to beat ourselves up for things we didn't do? I can remember so well after my last miscarriage of countless nights that went on and on with me waking up to a crying baby, sometimes even waking my husband up and getting angry that he couldn't hear it. It doesn't seem fair. Stay strong Robin, soon you'll have this baby and you'll feel better. This little baby needs you:)

retdairyqueen said...

I kinda know how you feel
Life is tough sometimes
I hope it helped you to write it down
I know Blogging and sewing has helped me
Sometimes its easier to talk to strangers and it hurts when it seems like our friends just arent there for us
Hugs

Peggy said...

Sending hugs and prayers, Robin. The truth is many people do not know how to deal with a grief stricken friend. You have helped many with your heartfelt words. Your feelings are perfectly normal - you are dealing with a terrible loss and only time will make it a little bit easier to bear. God bless you.