The Truth Is......

The truth is.....

that I'm a liar.

that I'm not always as ok as I may say that I am.

 that it's easier to just smile and say that I'm fine.

that I'm terrified every day that I'm going to do something to harm this baby that's growing inside of me.

that I miss my baby boy every second of every day.

that there is not a day that goes by that I don't cry for my baby boy.

that some days I cry harder than others.

that I look at his picture and kiss his little face everyday.

that I cry myself to sleep most nights.

the nights that I don't cry myself to sleep, I lay awake and think of him.

that I don't think my husband knows any of this, because I haven't told him.

that its been 5 months since I gave birth to my sweet baby boy and it seems like it was just yesterday.

that when you go through something like this you find out who your true friends are.

that the ones that I so desperately want to talk to about all of this doesn't seem to be there.

that I fill my days with lunches and outings with the ladies from the garden club just so that I'm not thinking.

that sometimes I feel like I'm going crazy.

that sometimes I feel like I'm the bad friend.

that I don't want to feel like this.

that I am not writing this for sympathy, I just needed to write.

that I probably won't answer any of your comments.

that I miss my family.

that I miss me.

that I now know what to say to someone going through this.

that its better to say something than nothing at all.

that I have friends who still have not spoken to me at all, or when they did speak they never mentioned it.

that sometimes that is what hurts me more.

that I'm not angry with God.

that I'm sad, but not angry.

that I thank God every day for the blessings that he has given me.